The word “Yes” – on the surface – is a good word. A collaborative word. However, using the word unchecked, it can be a bad word. The word “No,” on the other hand, carries with it power and the ability to stabilize. When we say no to something, we are taking control of our time, and we ensure we do not get overloaded and overwhelmed.

So, why is it so hard to say no and so easy to say yes? Well, the honest truth is that women are far more likely to say yes versus their male counterparts, especially for tasks and projects that have little career benefit. In a Harvard Business Review study, they found “women volunteer for these “non-promotable” tasks more than men; that women are more frequently asked to take such tasks on; and that when asked, they are more likely to say yes.” The key word in their finding is “non-promotable tasks.” So, why do we say yes more often? In reviewing a slew of articles from Forbes, HBR, and others, there are three common reasons:

1. Women often suffer from imposter syndrome and thus say yes, to continually try and prove their worth.
2. Women want to be seen as a team player 3) Women like these tasks.

与男性相比，女性经常被要求承担那些不会带来晋升的任务。据《福布斯》报道，女性每年要额外工作200个小时。如果女性每年有两周的假期，那就相当于每周多出4个小时，或者用《福布斯》的话说，“这相当于每年多出一个月的劳动时间。”这是一个令人震惊的数字，除了上面列出的两个常见原因之外，还有更多的原因。Linda Babcock, Brenda Peyser， Lise Vesterlund和Laurie Weingart在他们的书《不俱乐部：阻止女性的死胡同工作》中进行了更深入的探讨。在长达十年的时间里，他们对女性为何会承担无法晋升的任务（简称npt）进行了广泛JDB电子研究。他们的JDB电子研究揭穿了“常见”的原因，并找到了一个明确的原因——“我们希望女性对npt说yes，所以我们先问她们。”我们的期望来自于对女性“帮手”的刻板印象。他们还指出，女性之所以会答应，是因为她们想要“负面影响”。

The authors of The No Club go one to provide three ways to say, “No.”

1. Provide and explanation for saying no – be clear and succinct in the explanation to help the person asking to understand why you can’t take on this task or project.
2. Solve the problem – if possible, provide the solution while saying no, in other words help the person asking to find an alternative solution. However, I want to add be careful not to step into the role as problem solver for other people’s dilemmas if they are outside of your scope or will not play a role in a promotion or recognition.
3. Say yes while saying no – essentially, the goal is to still say no, at least to elements of the ask. Can the ask be spread out to others as well?

Both men and women may need to even say no to promotable tasks because there are just not enough hours in the week or month? There comes a point when there is too much on one’s plate that nothing can be done effectively or efficiently. This is the time to talk with your manager, help them understand the competing priorities and ask them to help you prioritize your many tasks and projects. There is one other response I would like to add and that is the “Yes, but not now.” I would use this for the promotable asks you know will benefit you, but currently there is not the time for you to focus on it. You can explain that you will be happy to take on this new shiny project in a month once you have finished up this other project.

So, as women (and this applies to men as well), the word yes is not always your friend. It can be your enemy. Learn to use the word no in a respectful and firm manner to protect your time and your career trajectory. We should not take on more and more tasks that get us nothing in return other than a few thank yous. Sure, we all have aspects of our job we don’t love or that feel mundane, but taking on additional tasks and projects that provide no long-term benefit can leave you in the slow career lane. And taking on additional tasks and projects when you already have too many things to juggle, will likely mean sacrificing quality, which can have a negative impact on your career growth. Saying “no” will allow you to focus and prioritize to keep your eye on the prize – your career growth.

Best,