We’ve all experienced difficult people in our lives at one point or another – the feelings and emotions they can evoke with their condescension, aggression, or disrespect can feel overwhelming. But let’s face it, as much as we may want to, we can’t control their behavior, but we can control our reaction and the direction we take to resolve it.

There are a couple things to consider as you way your options:

• What is the nature of the relationship?
• Who has the power in the relationship?

你对这些问题的回答将有助于指导你的回应。

What is the nature of the relationship?

这是一种私人和家庭关系吗？在这种情况下，解决这个问题的风险很高，因为那个人已经是你生活的一部分，你可能希望他们留在你的生活中。也许需要好好坐下来谈谈。But if this is a work relationship, then there are other questions that need answering before you determine any potential pathways toward a solution.

Who has the power in the relationship?

Before you determine your path forward, you need to understand the power dynamics at play.

If you are the person in power

Start by scheduling a time, maybe go get a cup of coffee together. Be honest, without sounding accusatory. Try to avoid “You” statements, instead use “I’ve recently felt something is off I and I wanted to see if everything is okay.” Taking this approach provides space for the individual to be open without feeling as if you are pointing the finger at them. Of course, they can say, “No, everything is fine.” In that case, then provide an example – again, without accusing. 使用诸如“我觉得……”或“我看到……”之类的短语比“你是……”更具威胁性。如果对方继续否认或声称没什么，但行为仍在继续，你可能需要采取更强硬的方法，并非常具体地说明发生的事情。

If the other person holds the power

这可以是一个挑战,因为那些掌权在你也有能力惩罚你。我不建议你坐下来,让困难的人贬低你,不尊重你,停止促销,等等,但你需要更多的战略方法。与上面的例子类似，安排一个会议，让它更随意，不那么正式。一起喝杯咖啡会提供一个更中性的环境。从上面提到的那种非指责性的陈述开始。You can add a statement such as, “I feel like we are not communicating well, have I done something to offend you?” 你要小心注意自己的肢体语言,听他们在说什么。对你已经做了一些事情导致转变的可能性持开放态度，然后要求清晰。On the other hand, you should also be willing to speak up if you have not done anything. But avoid being defensive and using words such as “but,” “however,” “although,” or “instead.” 通过询问你们两个人如何才能继续前进，回到你们之前的状态，专注于向前发展。表现出真正的兴趣。If that does not work, you may need to suggest bringing in someone to help you repair the relationship. Finally, if you sense any type of retaliation, you should seek out assistance from HR immediately and document all interactions with the individual.

If you are equals

In this case, you have the ability to talk with the “difficult” person as a peer, which is much different than when one or the other of you holds the power. 开放和诚实的。如果对方没有察觉，或者这种行为还在继续，那么你就用专业的方式来解决他们。Begin by doing so privately. If the behavior seeps into engagement with others, again address it privately. If the behavior continues in meetings or around others, you should not need to sit in a meeting and let someone be disrespectful, just make sure your response is professional and respectful and quick, “Tom, that comment was not necessary, we are all working toward the same goal, let’s focus on that.” 然后继续前进。如果这种情况持续存在，那么你可能需要向你的经理寻求指导。

不尊重、居高临下和咄咄逼人几乎总是导致冲突。谢天谢地，很少有人喜欢冲突。In fact, I would argue that people who create conflict are often struggling themselves. That being said, I can assure you, running from conflict or avoiding it, will not protect you from it. 因此，使用本文中提出的一些建议来解决冲突总是更好的。关键是要专业，避免走防守路线，并敞开心扉倾听和倾听他人所说的话。记住，每个故事通常都有两个方面，而现实往往位于两者之间。But when it does not, taking a “preachy” approach will in no way reduce the conflict or better the situation.

最好的，